Friday, February 26, 2010

Beware of Sasquatch Review

The Sasquatch/Bigfoot/Yeti, whatever you want to call the beast, has reportedly been spotted in the Pacific Northwest as far back as the 1800s. While shunned by the scientific community and tarnished by hoaxers, there are still so many unanswered questions about this ape-man. Twenty-three years ago, the Henderson family from Seattle unconventionally befriended and domesticated one of these creatures, naming him Harry. While things seemed great at first, this was a creature of the dark woods, not a human, and the Hendersons reluctantly acknowledged this. They heart-breakingly sent him on his way, crushing his spirit and trust of humans. He hasn’t been seen since…until the skateboarding documentary “Beware of Sasquatch” emerged the other day! Harry was back for retribution and the crew of Seattle skateboarders, headed by Brandon Jensen, was an unfortunate casualty to his broken heart. One by one, he slayed each skateboarder mercilessly…and it was all caught on film!

However, the documentary sheds light on the skateboarders, themselves, laying waste to spot after beautiful spot in the Northwest, leading up to their demise. First on the chopping block was Ken Takayama. What a wasted fate. Ken was an amazing skateboarder with a clean laid back style. It was as though he wasn’t even trying, just floating down big sets of stairs and gliding across ledges with ease. Perhaps that was his problem. Sasquatch can be a bit insecure. Plus, his frontside tailslide hardflip out (don’t ask) was the icing on the cake. Next came Dan Ching. Have you ever tried to smith grind a brick out-ledge? Dan Ching actually did successfully. I understand that murder. He must have been a witch or something to land that, and the world is better off. The next victim was Andy Tomich. He never had a chance to escape with how slow he went. However, his techy many maneuvers and reverts out of a lot of his tricks I am sure stunned sasquatch momentarily…not to mention his 360 shuvs out of his nose mannies. Mike Lind almost escaped when he crooked popped over the inside of that “L” ledge. He even dazed him with some nicely executed bigspins out of his ledge tricks, but alas, it wasn’t enough to spare him from doom. Then in a strange twist of fate, Vince Del Valle was forsaken by the movie gods by resembling Adam Alfaro very closely. See, ever since Sasquatch appeared on screen and never got a nomination by the Academy, he declared war on the industry…an industry Adam Alfaro is a part of. So while Vince was never mean for the kill, he fell as a great ditch skater. He skated through life fast and confident, smoking the whole way…and he crashed and burned in a similar fashion when he encountered the sasquatch. It was a pleasure watching the lead up and was disappointing to see his downfall. In another strange twist of fate, the sasquatch was enchanted by Merritt Harburg Little’s amazing kickflips over shopping carts and ally-oop backside flips on banks. But what set him off was the music. He was not a fan of 1349’s “Sculpture of Flesh” and it’s unsavory juxtaposition with the pleasant skateboardery…so he made a sculpture of flesh of his own out of Mr. Little. Adversely, he dug “Gerry Rafferty’s “Right Down the Line” resonating from Casey Geldermann’s skating. However, there wasn’t much memorable about the part and the switch mongo pushing set Sasquatch off. Casey tried rubbing his own head for luck when he switch flipped 50-50ed the hubba as his ender hoping for mercy, but that mercy never came. Josh Gunnerson tried appeasing the beast by nollie flipping off the side of a ledge to manual a sidewalk, but his switch mongo pushing was also his demise. Sasquatch is not down with that. Brendan Bonney came out strong with a nollie double flip to fakie on a bank. The beast couldn’t figure out how that was possible as he had trouble with single nollie flips. Brendan was strategic with his trick selection for any given spot and it was a great implementation, but you can’t out think this yeti. Good try, Brendan, but so long. Then along came David Gravette who actually had the gall to put out 3 parts in something like 3 months! So what if the footage was still sick (even though most of it was probably leftovers and recycled footage), so what if the ender trick was very impressive. Bigfoot doesn’t like a showoff! You could have spread it out, but now look at you…just a stain on the forest floor. Next to appear was the less gnarly, more tech Garrett Hill: Sean Harris. While he tried to expedite his flee by taking the quick route down stairs (handrails), backside noseblunted ledges along the way popped out of frontside nosegrinds on flat rails and backside bluntslid through hubba corners, he was eventually apprehended and dealt with. Resistance is futile, Sean. Lastly was Girl’s new wonder kid, Cory Kennedy. A little known fact is that he is a wizard and every sasquatch hates wizards. You want to know how I know he is a wizard? He can casually kickflip bs noseblunt/bs smith/fs crook things in lines, he levitates and gets his tricks to get higher as he is going down things (you are going down the stairs or gaps, Cory, stop pretending you are doing them over something…well, don’t, really). You know those weird flatground tricks he did in the Battle at the Berrics like nollie front-foot flips, or switch frontside 360 heelflips? Well, he does them over and down things in the real world. Wizard!

It was a great production and while the deaths were tragic, there was a lot of happiness spread throughout. Crook pop-overs, big heels (fakie, nollie, switch), and ledge to ledge trick combos were scattered about. While some of the filming was over-exposed or sketchy, a lot of it was filmed very well and the aesthetics of the Northwest (ivy, nature, brick, etc.) made up for anything in excess. There is something magical about that area. Tragically magical. I know I will Beware of Sasquatch next time I am in the area!

I recommend this video to be added to any skateboarder’s collection. From banks to tranny to rails to manuals to ledges to gaps to flatground and everything in-between, there is something that will appeal to everyone. Support a rad independent video and order one here. I’m stoked I did!

Here is a clip from the bonus section of the video:

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